Susan Funny Status Messages

   With a great pair of legs comes great irresponsibility.

   My daddy issues are now old enough to vote.

   I call my bedroom 'the place where the magic happens' because it's where I make my self-respect disappear.

   If there's anything I teach my daughter it will be to not ignore the nerds. Those people grow up to be sexy!

   Shut the hell up and do me. - How arguments should end.

   If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.

   The ladder to success sure does have a lot of p enises on it.

   I want to be the reason your pants tighten.

   I'm too pretty not to be having sex right now.

   I'd take you on a magic carpet ride, except that I shaved the carpet.

   So apparently washing machine riding should be done in the privacy of your own home. Oops!

   I'm hoping my see through white shirt will distract everyone from the fact I'm not wearing make-up today

   Everything this man said to me was a lie. Every.. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that was true.

   I love being a woman. I can slap anyone on the ass and get away with it.

   I just yawned on the bus and two dudes gave me their phone numbers.

   Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about.

   The thought of you makes me clench my thighs......hard.

   I'm going to start smoking again until I find someone better to do with my mouth.

   It's not our fault you have a small d ick so don't take it out on us. Really, don't take it out.

   I don't need a man. But I want one. That means those of you with no jobs, no cars and no money still stand a chance.