Mark Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, when I said I wanted something blingy around my neck.... STREP THROAT is NOT what I had in mind :/

   According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan?

   Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command.

   Valentine's gift ❒Electric Tooth Brush ❒ Electric Blanket ✔ Electric Chair

   The Beach Boys reunited at the Grammys. They're headed out on tour for their 50th anniversary. Now when they sing about surfing, they mean surfing the Internet for discounted prostate medication.

   Fun Fact of The Day: Barbies get fat too, if you microwave them

   One thing vampire children are taught at a very young age is, never run with a wooden stake

   Just trying to see who reads my post. Describe me using only your Facebook password....

   Why did Facebook go public? Couldn't they figure out the privacy settings either?

   Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?

   I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.

   Stumbled into bed late last night. "You're drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."

   Seems Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Let's hope she owns a life jacket. :-/

   I will never understand deer....napping beside the highway. Very dangerous!

   I never knew Charlie Sheen drank, until I saw him sober once.

   Biden's teeth were so white last night, they're voting for Romney.

   A new study reveals that parents who spend more time on their smartphones have more negative interactions with their children. While parents who spend less time on their smartphones are really mad that they forgot their charger.

   Researchers in China have developed these things called “smart tags” that stick to containers and change color when food has gone bad. That's in addition to that other thing that changes color when food goes bad — food.

   The president announced his bracket for the NCAA tournament. March Madness and Obama is predicting Michigan State will beat Louisville to win the national championship. Going by Obama's past predictions, I want to congratulate Louisville on their big wi

   Lawmakers here in New York are considering a plan to bring slot machines to LaGuardia Airport. Of course there's always that other way to gamble at LaGuardia — checking a bag.