MWC Funny Status Messages

   Its hard to soar like an eagle when ur running around with turkeys

   Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

   I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"

   I never called you stupid dear. But when I ask you how to spell Mississippi an you ask the state or the river...it kinda caught me off guard!

   Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it ''Decisions, Decisions''.

   On the advice of my attorney, I plead the 5th on EXACTLY what I did for a Klondike Bar.

   I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday

   I like walking under the rain so no one knows I'm crying" ... B! tch please ! I like walking in the pool so no one knows I'm peeing !

   Dancing on my grave? Over my dead body!!!

   69% of everything a guy reads, he finds something dirty in it.

   It's Monday, and a strong possibility I may hurt someone!

   I put a bumper sticker on the back of my car that said "Honk if you have a small Pe nis" then intentionally cut everyone off in traffic.

   Life holds many challenges an can be quite frustrating. Especially for you because you're a dumba$$.

   Starbuck really isn't that expensive, compared to what Victoria Secret charges per cup.

   I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........

   When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirin, and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.

   The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat in a Port-A-Potty...is a warm one.

   Dear Doctor Phil, I was wacking off, looking out our bathroom window at the neighbor lady sunbathing topless. And seen my wife watching me with her arms crossed and giving me a dirty look...My question is, Is she perverted?

   I think a lot better when my mind is blank!

   Sence its started raining, all my wife has done is looking through the windows. If it gets any worse I'm gonna have to let her in!