MTQ Funny Status Messages

   I like my women like I like my cheese. White American singles.

   Florida: Those computerized hurricane forecast models are ridiculous. You could give a 4 year old a map and a crayon, and they'd come up with something almost as inaccurate.

   Why does this thing tell you that you have 24 letters left, then when you post it's incomplete? e

   I go to a Weight Watchers meeting. I dump out a carton of Whoppers malted Milk Balls on the floor. The next thing you know, I'm watching a live version of the Hungry Hungry Hippos game.

   THIS JUST IN: CHILD ACTOR BUCKWHEAT HAS CONVERTED HIS RELIGION TO ISLAM. HE WILL NOW GO BY THE NAME, "KAREEM OF WHEAT''. FILM AT ELEVEN.

   I'm a walking Economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of the two is putting me into a deep depression!

   Camping. Camping? Listen up Mr. and Mrs.Field and Stream...My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 with no cable.

   Was driving a van full of women to a Jimmy Buffett concert. Saw a sign that read 25 MPH. I thought to myself, "Twenty five Menopausal Parrot Heads is right.

   I remember something traumatic from when I was two days old. The Doctor performing my circumcision looked at me, with knife in hand and said, "It won't be long now!"

   One of my first jobs job was at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

   I walk into the 7/11, and the female clerk says, "You look JUST like my fourth husband!" I said, "Really...you've been married four times?' She goes, "No. Three."

   When a thief kisses you, count your teeth.

   Ever wonder why some people wait 'til they're in their cars and stopped at traffic lights to pick their noses?

   It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

   Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."

   Someday we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

   I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.

   I saw a girl with a belly ring. She must've weighed 400 lbs. That belly ring turned out to be a hitch.

   ***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that I can get 100 tampons for $1.00... No Strings attached...but for a limited period ONLY!...A bloody good deal!

   What's the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic: USE a feather. Kinky: Use the whole chicken