J.D. Funny Status Messages

   I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He's in a better place now."

   Saw a bird poo on a Smart car. Totaled it.

   Seeing a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter about dogs being stolen. Are the Koreans stockpiling food before they go to war?

   When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.

   David Cameron has said that Britain is prepared 4 nuclear attacks from North Korea. David we weren't even prepared for snow in the winter

   It's time for "Team America 2" to be released featuring Kim Jong Un...

   Friday instantly puts you in a good mood...

   We would all be so lost in this world if it wasnt for our great friends on Facebook who constantly provide us with news updates...

   I assume most animals are in the zoo for some pretty serious crimes.

   Whoever let women in the army, I salute you. Women on their period, with a gun... Unstoppable!

   So when are Yankee fans allowed to hate Red Sox fans again?

   You have to get along with everybody. You're out-numbered.

   Always be sure to keep a good Facebook profile picture.This will be the photo plastered allover the news when something goes horribly wrong.

   There's more to Alcohol than life!!!

   My girlfriend asked me if I see myself having kids...I told her to stop asking me childish questions.

   You lost your phone because it was on silent? That's too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.

   Dear God, Happy Father's Day.

   I would wish my father a Happy Father's Day on Facebook but I blocked him

   Surprise sex is the best way to wake up... unless you're in prison

   The longest distance in the world is from Monday morning to Friday afternoon.