Dopey420 Funny Status Messages

   If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh!t" and "syphilis."

   Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?

   The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.

   Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.

   Thinks people get mad when you don't use korrect grammar and spelin, because they can't just copy/paste it to thier Facebook. Sorry you had to add a comma, it must be such an inconvenience.

   Mirrors don't talk, but lucky for you they don't laugh either

   Why does the 30 minutes before work go by so fast, causing me to be late. But the last 30 minutes go by slow, causing me to be pissed off.

   As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

   Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"?

   A cop pulls over a guy. He says "Sir your eyes are alittle glazed, have you been drinking?" The man replies "Gee officer your eyes look alittle glazed too, have you been eating doughnuts?"

   Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park... but is better for boy to park meat in girl."

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.

   This girl walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean." Hard of hearing the man says "come again?" She replies, "no mustard."

   Jack and Jill went up the hill, both with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two fifty, go figure.

   If a mime shoots you, must he use a silencer?

   What does OJ have that every man wants? A Heisman trophy and a dead ex-wife!

   What's green and smells like pork? Kermit the frog's finger.

   What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.

   What's 69+69? Dinner for four.