flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I challenge you to name a more frightening experience than seeing a police car make a u-turn behind you
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:17 by flinnie Comments (3)  


   messageicon The fire department will hang up on you if you are reporting a disco inferno.
←Rate | 03-24-2012 06:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 15:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you're a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 07:03 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a pirate I'd skip the skulls and crossbones, and bedazzle a Hello Kitty themed boat. I'd never get caught, cause nobody would admit I robbed them.
←Rate | 09-14-2012 08:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the nurse calls my name at the doctor's office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
←Rate | 04-26-2013 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could go back in time so I could remember where I was going with this update
←Rate | 06-10-2012 19:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
←Rate | 04-17-2011 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had to guess where everything went wrong, I'd have to say it was the day I learned "elemenopee" wasn't one awesome letter.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 09:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.
←Rate | 02-17-2015 05:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
←Rate | 04-23-2014 05:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby
←Rate | 06-11-2013 06:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon n't it interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
←Rate | 04-15-2014 05:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spent most of my childhood terrified that the rhythm was going to get me.
←Rate | 05-13-2012 08:38 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple 'Thank you.' is all I need! Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business!
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
←Rate | 06-16-2011 05:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So let me get this straight, a 747 can carry a space shuttle on its "back", and yet airlines charge for overweight baggage?
←Rate | 04-21-2012 05:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that's my stuff!"?
←Rate | 03-06-2013 07:06 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon if I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm gonna do is hire a priest, a rabbi and a minister to walk into bars with me
←Rate | 03-28-2011 05:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how long I'd be on hold if my call wasn't important to them..
←Rate | 12-30-2011 08:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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