Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I never make any plans unless I have a way of getting out of them.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:45 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake. Not sure who won, though.
←Rate | 04-06-2010 13:30 by Jake Comments (3)  


   messageicon You don't always have to be in a rush. The early bird may get the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 23:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Place a "DRY PAINT" sign on a park bench. And watch how many people avoid sitting on the bench.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 01:11 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a gay casino, a queen beats a straight every time.
←Rate | 09-10-2017 02:06 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't witches wear panties? Because they get a better grip on their brooms without them.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 20:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes. And thougt how easily their entertained. Then realized, I just watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 15:13 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conflicting emotions: Watching your mother in-law drive off a cliff in your brand new car.
←Rate | 10-03-2017 01:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.
←Rate | 05-27-2011 01:49 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . Have you heard the saying the truth will set you free? I told the judge the truth and got three years.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 18:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon should not be mistaken for Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, just because there appears to be a large package in his pants.
←Rate | 12-30-2009 08:18 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 20:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember how proud my wife was when she taught our baby son how to walk and talk. Now that he's 5 she's trying to teach him to sit down and shut up.
←Rate | 09-23-2017 07:34 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Most wives don't mind if their husband brings some work home with them to do. But my sister sure does. Her husband is a mortician.
←Rate | 09-01-2017 23:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Another good feeling. Waking up and realizing that it's sunday and not monday morning. AAAAAH......zzzzzzz.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 21:17 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Teacher: Billy, what rhymes with orange? Billy: No it doesn't.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 17:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster
←Rate | 09-15-2009 12:13 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being energy efficient. When I saw an advertisment for a solar power clothes dryer. I ordered one. What I receive was a 25 foot clothes-line and a pack of 50 clothes pins.
←Rate | 09-22-2017 16:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon View the world the way you would like it to be, and not as it is. It's less stressful.
←Rate | 10-03-2017 04:06 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas shopping for dangerous toys. For kids I don't like.
←Rate | 11-19-2009 14:05 by Jake Comments (0)  



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