Cicci Funny Status Messages

   I've always heard to "live everyday like it was your last" but noticed how much people will actually frown upon that kinda lifestyle.

   My cat will only eat the most expensive cat food out there.....and also lick his own butt hole.

   True story: one time I said "excuse me" to my own reflection into a glass door headed back into the bar

   things that will never be said #2638: "Boy that Steve Bushemi sure is a good lookin fella"

   At 37 years old today I think aim in the "Rocky V" stage of my life. #shouldastoppedafterDrago

   Apparently during one of the celebrations/riots in Philadelphia someone was arrested for punching a police horse. The man spent the night in jail while the horse was listed a being in “stable “ condition.

   Pets are animals that aren’t delicious.

   People say “the early bird gets the worm.” But everyone freaks out when I drink tequila at 8am

   I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.

   You know what they say about identity theft. Fool me once,shame on you,fool me twice shame on you because you're me now.

   this bar sucks so much I just played every Nickelback song I could find on the jukebox and walked out......take that as$ clowns!

   Cardi B is a former stripper. Prime example of why the expression “Don’t quit your day job” was created.

   there should be a breathalyzer app on my phone to prevent thos late night texts that I always regret sending.

   RIP Fats Dominoe. Even though I thought you died like 20 years ago it still hurts. Ain’t That a Shame”?

   Why is Matthew McConaughey still on my tv in car commercial form? Have we learned nothing from our mistakes?

   My New Years resolution is to throw my hands up in the air......but this year I vow to wave them all around like I just don't care..

   I went to the doctor for $hits and giggles because I'm pretty sure those two things arent suppose to happen at the same time.

   there should be a breathalyzer app on my phone to prevent those "late night texts" that I always regret in the morning.

   I went to a karaoke bar last night that refused to play songs from the 70's. At first I was afraid,I was petrified.

   Are the dangerous parts of Italy called the Spaghetto?