Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Some people choose to be victims in life because it's a lot easier than being a winner.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 15:33 by pj Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 05:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
←Rate | 05-22-2018 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
←Rate | 05-05-2018 07:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
←Rate | 06-14-2018 07:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her and yell "DON'T DIE ON ME!" and then people always clap when she wakes up.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
←Rate | 06-09-2018 10:57 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon For all those calling for "Fathers Day" to be called "Special Person's" day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
←Rate | 05-14-2018 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no problem with the Kardashians. I have a problem with the people who care about them.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
←Rate | 06-12-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happier than a Goth Girl being carried off by a flock of ravens.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to read; "I don't know where ya’ll gonna get your laughs now"
←Rate | 03-25-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn't get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn't brushed her teeth in forever
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ironic that my kids can't remember to say the "please" word but boy do they remember the word I used that one time in heavy traffic last year.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 22:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The kid next door is outside banging on a metal bucket in his front yard ..... time to go mow my gravel driveway.
←Rate | 06-12-2018 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:49 Comments (0)  


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