tsparks Funny Status Messages

   Welcome to Facebook! Where liars tell more lies, enemies are Facebook friends, weak people turn into Facebook gangsters, haters complain about haters and every person who talks about money ain't got none.

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.

   Women drivers are like stars in the sky. You can see them, but they can't see you.

   I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he doesn't let you touch anything

   I fell down the stairs today, and may never walk again. I wasn't injured, I'm just really lazy.

   Pretty excited that the Patriots and the Giants are opening for Madonna at the Superbowl

   Newly divorced woman explaining reason for splitting: We had religious differences - he thought he was God, I didn't.

   Attitude like a underwear , don't show it , just wear it.

   When people ask for candy I'm eating, I give them the flavor I don't like.

   It's all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw

   Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it

   can't wait for Breaking Dawn Part 2, as Bella and Edward get hunted down by Blade! Perhaps that's just wishful thinking

   Whenever I wait behind a door to scare someone, they always take too long to come, so I leave disappointed.

   2010: You're only cool if you have silly bands. 2011: Planking is the bomb! 2012: Let's go choke on cinnamon

   Was that lightning?" Nooo... they're taking pictures for google earth

   I will do anything humanly possible to reach the remote without getting up

   always know where the remote is all it takes is one sad animal commercial to kill the mood

   "I'm strong because I know what it's like to be weak."

   Dear ugly people: Stop playing hard to get, you're already hard to want

   I study. I take the test. I pass it. I forget what I learned...