scottyp Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I was planning on procastinating today but I think I'm going to put that off until next week as well
←Rate | 01-23-2011 13:56 by scottyp Comments (1)  


   messageicon They say talking to yourself is a sign of mental illness. So I talk to the cat instead.
←Rate | 03-08-2011 22:24 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beware the disease Idiotitis. It causes the brain to shut down and the mouth to keep talking. Thousands are affected. May be contagious. Best defense: Just slap and run.
←Rate | 04-08-2011 18:43 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone describes something as "better than sex", I know their either lying or extremely sheltered
←Rate | 01-11-2011 17:12 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 4 year old is going through a phase where he screams out what he is about to do before he does it. I had to explain to him that only adults on social networking sites were allowed to do that....
←Rate | 01-24-2011 13:43 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet Shaquille O'neil hates to sign anything, "Love,Shaq".....because the B52s pretty much ruined that for him...
←Rate | 06-02-2014 19:09 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hit a coyote with my car on the way to work this morning. I tried to miss it but it was going to fast. It might have had something to do with that ACME rocket strapped to his back
←Rate | 01-28-2011 09:39 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am so happy to hear that curiousity killed the cat. For a while, I was the only suspect..
←Rate | 01-26-2011 08:59 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 09:27 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon If time is money, then I'm running out of time very quickly
←Rate | 03-12-2011 20:45 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......
←Rate | 02-04-2011 10:25 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should have known that I had to much to drink tonight because I left the door open the whole time I was peeing. It might not sound that bad, but when you're driving 65 mph, it can cause all kinds of problems..
←Rate | 03-10-2011 23:47 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon It seems I have 3 personalities. One that has a plan, one that completely screws up the plan, and one that says "what the hell happened to the plan?"......
←Rate | 04-08-2011 07:18 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got home from the convenience store where I saw two homeless people making out. It was gross so I was about to yell "Get a Room", luckily I caught myself just in time
←Rate | 01-07-2011 01:03 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just sitting here thinking of all the absolutely incredible things that I could accomplish this year. That is, of course, if I gave a sh/t....
←Rate | 01-08-2011 22:22 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess it time to test my theory that Vodka (being alcohol) should kill the flu virus.......
←Rate | 02-26-2011 12:59 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon To this day it still upsets me that all of those times that Forest Gump was separated from his true love, he never ONCE thought to pick up a phone and dial 867-5309.......
←Rate | 09-26-2013 21:35 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just picked out a Valentines Card from the Ben Roethlisberger collection. It came with a roofy, two advil for the day after and a do-it-yourself police report..
←Rate | 02-10-2011 16:55 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always eat breakfast naked, but when I do, I get escorted out of IHOP really quickly......
←Rate | 09-10-2012 15:55 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon categorically denies all allegations......Next question
←Rate | 01-22-2011 13:35 by scottyp Comments (0)  



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