maria Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Before sex, you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're f***ed
←Rate | 05-13-2011 20:22 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't go knocking on death's door, ring the doorbell and run, he hates that!!!!!
←Rate | 05-13-2011 18:56 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet
←Rate | 05-13-2011 18:57 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 23:26 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon I must be wishing on someone else's star because every time I wish for something, someone else gets it!
←Rate | 05-13-2011 20:17 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon The brunette asked the blonde why there were bullet holes in the mirror. The blonde replied, "because I tried to commit suicide...it didn't work".
←Rate | 05-13-2011 19:25 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before giving a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 19:25 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 19:16 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 18:13 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon No... I'm not lazy... I'm just resting up for my 30's... (I got a lot planned)
←Rate | 05-14-2011 01:01 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 18:50 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening."
←Rate | 05-13-2011 19:32 by maria Comments (0)  


   messageicon you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
←Rate | 05-13-2011 19:33 by maria Comments (0)  



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