jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
←Rate | 01-02-2018 02:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I'm left with the maniac.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bummer is being sick on your day off.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 16:39 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a homeless man I was going to give a dollar to untill I read the sign he was holding that read "One day this could be you." So I put the dollar back in my pocket in case he may be right.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had 21 minutes of doggie style sex last night. That's 3 minutes in human time.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 21:14 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not saying that women walmart shoppers have bad teeth. But when the woman in line in front of me smiled. The barcode scanner rang up a set of sauce pans.
←Rate | 06-03-2018 23:42 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dating is cuddling on the sofa. Marriage is sleeping on the sofa.
←Rate | 02-27-2018 03:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the teacher pointed her ruler at me and said their's an idiot at the end of this ruler. I said which end?
←Rate | 03-07-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon They say if the palm of your hand itches, you're going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you've already got it.
←Rate | 06-01-2018 18:02 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you must be unappealing when a nymphomaniac just wants to be friends.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it was not for the dumb things I did as a kid. I would not have anything to laugh about today.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 21:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 08:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only president who didn't blame the previous administration for all his troubles was George Washington.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 14:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
←Rate | 06-05-2018 22:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally found my wife's G spot....... Her sister had it all along.
←Rate | 05-14-2018 14:39 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Birth control pills are only tax deductable when they don't work.
←Rate | 07-09-2018 04:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patient: Doc, I feel miserable, worthless, unhappy, and I have no money. Doctor: I see...... How long have you been married?
←Rate | 04-30-2018 23:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silence is your best responce when talking to an idiot
←Rate | 04-23-2018 03:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


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