StonerDudee Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman's mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. Time.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 22:55 by StonerDudee Comments (1)  


   messageicon I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
←Rate | 09-29-2013 02:19 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how loud you crank the bass, it's still a minivan.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 19:58 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son asked me what's it like being married. I said "You know how you have to eat your vegetables to get dessert? Like that".
←Rate | 03-17-2013 11:45 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:10 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should invent an alarm clock that if you hit the snooze button more than 3 times it automatically calls in sick for you.
←Rate | 06-14-2012 10:11 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my kids grow up, I'm going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I'm bored & then just leave!
←Rate | 03-17-2013 11:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If cinderella's shoe really did fit perfectly, then why exactly did it fall off in the first place?
←Rate | 06-18-2012 13:04 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every scary movie, for the rest of our lives, needs a scene explaining why no one has their cell phone.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 14:16 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He's better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here.
←Rate | 08-03-2013 02:28 by StonerDudee Comments (1)  


   messageicon A prostitute just told me she would do anything for $10... guess who just got their car washed!
←Rate | 10-19-2012 10:13 by StonerDudee Comments (3)  


   messageicon My car broke down outside Dominos last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift off the driver.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 15:18 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you come up to my bedroom door and there is a sock on the door handle it means I'm having sex..... Probably with the other sock.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 01:45 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'f*ck.' What the make love is she talking about?
←Rate | 12-22-2014 10:15 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."
←Rate | 11-25-2014 00:40 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
←Rate | 11-25-2012 18:28 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?
←Rate | 09-11-2012 16:18 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our neighbor's dog shat in our garden, so my mom told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence. I don't see what that solved, now we've got dog sh*t in our garden and the neighbors have our shovel.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 17:26 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that's good.
←Rate | 03-13-2013 16:09 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  




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