RandomGirlie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon life is all about ass. Your'e either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one!
←Rate | 03-31-2010 21:10 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cruel irony: the owner of Segway died in a Segway accident yesterday. Google it, it happened.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 18:24 by RandomGirlie Comments (6)  


   messageicon Ever look at someone and think, "Nice cage, no bird"?
←Rate | 05-07-2010 11:39 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The perfect work excuse: "Hello? Boss? Yes, I'm sorry, I will not be coming to work today. I'm having vision problems. I can't see myself coming to work today!"
←Rate | 03-23-2010 21:55 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Winter is supposed to leave tomorrow, so he showed up early this morning, threw sh*t around, made me feel cold and desolate, and left his money shot all over my car. He must be related to my ex.
←Rate | 03-19-2010 18:29 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear birds: Our patio is NOT your personal poop depository! Please use the cars with Obama bumper stickers instead. Thank you. -Management-
←Rate | 04-20-2010 18:45 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you try to look hot in your profile pic, check the scenery. There's a dookie in the toilet behind you! Not hot!!!!
←Rate | 03-24-2010 22:37 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Accidentally grabbing the glitter spray instead of the feminine deopdorant spray gives "disco stick" a whole new meaning.
←Rate | 04-02-2010 01:12 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My parents were very patriotic disciplinarians: they laid stripes and I saw stars.
←Rate | 04-13-2010 00:09 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon told the boss today that there was no W-F-A-Y I could do the job the way he wanted me to. He said, "But there's no 'F-in-way!!" I said, "Exactly!"
←Rate | 04-22-2010 17:57 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Obama: a little diaper logic for you. If it stinks, change it....but you aren't supposed to replace it with another sh*tty one!!!
←Rate | 03-23-2010 18:38 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rental advertising terminology: Cute=OMG, my closet is bigger than this. Charming=houses still had dirt floors when this was built. Close to transportation=right next to the railroad tracks. One month FREE=your neighbors are crackheads.
←Rate | 04-29-2010 21:12 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon has served enough burnt offerings at dinner that my husband is beginning to think he's a god.
←Rate | 04-08-2010 20:53 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before that van starts a'rockin, make sure that c*ck's got a stockin'!
←Rate | 03-28-2010 17:48 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon can't stand people who say "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:07 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 14:59 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon saw this on an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, oh...fly Delta?)
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:10 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:00 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if "Fe" on the periodic table of the elements is iron, does that make females iron males?
←Rate | 05-26-2010 18:01 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  



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