Me Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I got an enema in honor of National Punctuation Day. I now have a perfect colon.
←Rate | 09-28-2010 13:03 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when the guy seated next to me on the plane falls asleep and his azz starts to snore.
←Rate | 04-07-2013 07:11 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon My best friend in Florida won the power 540 million power ball....Okay, I haven't actually met him yet but I am sure we will be the best friends forever.
←Rate | 05-19-2013 08:59 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes my LOL just means, Lack-Of-Laughter
←Rate | 08-21-2011 16:50 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why get stuck with the whole pig just for a little sausage?
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:34 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my wife .. if she ever wanted to try anal sex, I'd be behind her all the way
←Rate | 08-10-2012 20:37 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gorilla Lives Matter
←Rate | 06-02-2016 12:02 by ME Comments (0)  

   messageicon People think I'm quiet because I'm shy, but really I've been silently judging them from afar and determining that they're all phucking retards
←Rate | 01-06-2012 22:32 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by a$$holes!
←Rate | 01-06-2012 22:28 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon California is suspending executions due to lethal drug shortage. Someone should talk to Texas. I bet they're storing their surplus in caves.
←Rate | 09-28-2010 13:03 by me Comments (1)  

   messageicon Long Island ice tea proves that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
←Rate | 05-10-2013 16:46 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Condoms are like newspapers....sure they are filled with good stuff today but you sure don't want them around tomorrow...
←Rate | 06-24-2010 22:20 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Probably the worst thing to hear when wearing that new bikini is, "Good for you".
←Rate | 06-03-2016 18:10 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bad things happen when you try to multitask with a single task brain.
←Rate | 08-23-2013 15:04 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon told my girlfriend .. "if you ever want to try anal sex, I'll be behind you all the way"!!
←Rate | 09-04-2011 08:02 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've finally figured out why they're called 'payslips'.... the 'pay' just 'slips' right through your fingers!!! :(
←Rate | 11-10-2011 18:17 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just invented a new candy called Mike and Ike and Tina. When you eat 'em, your front teeth fall out
←Rate | 09-28-2010 16:57 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon boys are like slinkies...useless but fun to watch fall down stairs
←Rate | 04-28-2009 17:25 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon I disagree... It's going to be a Great Friday!
←Rate | 04-22-2011 09:44 by me Comments (0)  

   messageicon just heard Miley Cyrus is releasing a new song and dedicating it to Perez's called "Party In The Cell Block A"......
←Rate | 06-18-2010 08:47 by me Comments (0)  

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