Goober Peas Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements ツ
←Rate | 01-21-2013 09:49 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good News! We just got our taxes done and we'll be getting a refund! It should be just enough to pay for getting our taxes done! ツ
←Rate | 04-10-2013 23:02 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't use a lot of hand sanitizer because I'm a germaphobe. I just like everyone to think that I'm hatching a dastardly plan ツ
←Rate | 01-15-2013 10:52 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started my new abs workout tonight. I did 25 crunches while sitting on the toilet. I gotta cut back on the cheese. Oh yeahhh, feel the burn... ツ
←Rate | 02-05-2013 22:44 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon iPhone Users Warning: Texting someone that you want to kiss them under the 'mistletoe' takes on a whole new meaning when auto-corrected to 'cameltoe'. FYI ツ
←Rate | 12-24-2012 11:42 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Golly, I'm not quite sure if it's cold outside. Could someone please post a picture of the temperature in their car? Anyone? ツ
←Rate | 01-22-2013 09:41 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I seen the most awesome black colored horse the other day. If she was mine, I'd call her ShaNeighNeigh ツ
←Rate | 08-29-2012 10:37 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Healthy Marriage Tip #43: Apologize for the dream your wife had about you. Yeah, I know... apologize anyway ツ
←Rate | 01-08-2013 22:42 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is too shart. Stupid autocorrect ツ
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:00 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember Kids: 'Stop, Drop and Roll' doesn't work in Hell ツ
←Rate | 02-15-2013 13:10 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kinda slow at work today, so I started browsing different pom sites. Cutest little doggies ya ever seen! ツ
←Rate | 01-15-2013 13:21 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter... C'MON MOM, KNOCK IT OFF! ツ
←Rate | 12-10-2012 10:16 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it when that I ask what the acronym STFU stands for, everyone is so fricken mean??? ツ
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:16 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser ツ
←Rate | 06-01-2013 00:33 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," which would include; projectile diarrhea, pantless Sunday and 'fix me a sammich woman'! Yeah, that's my 'best' ツ
←Rate | 01-13-2013 18:32 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year, I think I'd like to visit the 'Smithereens'. Seems like just about everyone gets blown there ツ
←Rate | 03-04-2013 23:52 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won't rest until I find a cure for this darn insomnia! ツ
←Rate | 01-09-2013 15:02 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life Fact #37: it's impossible to have a bad day when you're wearing 'Hello Kitty' underpants ツ
←Rate | 02-04-2013 10:08 by Goober Peas Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I had a Burrito Supreme for every time this stupid toilet got plugged up… I probably wouldn't have a plugged up toilet ツ
←Rate | 06-23-2013 21:14 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon How disappointing! I've been hearing all month about 'Shart' week coming up on the discovery channel and it turns out it's nothing but a movie about a bunch of stupid fish ツ
←Rate | 08-07-2013 12:32 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  



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