Gman Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I've been retracing my steps and now I have all these outlines of feet on my floor and still no keys.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 22:02 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the internet is the superhighway... Facebook is that bad accident backing up traffic for miles because everyone can't help staring at it.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 20:37 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon 99 years ago today, the Titanic chose to hit an iceberg and sink rather than spend another day listening to Celine Dion.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 10:08 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 21:47 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a new poll, 80% of Japanese women admit to having faked origami.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 10:21 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need no fancy pants book learnin' to know that xenophobia is the fear of warrior princesses.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 10:20 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon "How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?" You don't understand how sex works, do you, Michael Bolton?
←Rate | 04-15-2011 22:28 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 10:02 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm dragging ass today. I don't know how dogs wipe like this, it hurts like hell.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 14:21 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon F*cking a mannequin is not an excuse to tell your friends you're banging a model.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 11:31 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ran out of toilet paper, so I wiped my ass with a dryer sheet. Now my ass is soft, static free, and outdoor fresh.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 09:38 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like sleeping with deaf women because I can shout out any name I want to.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 21:31 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Monogamy and mahogany are both rare types of long-lasting wood.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 09:43 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon She told me she'd sleep with me when pigs fly, so you can imagine how happy I am to see that police helicopter over my house right now.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 12:44 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sure what this guy shaking a cup of change at people wants. He must just be bragging that he has change.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 10:19 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only make a lot of spelling and grammar errors because I have type-o blood.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 22:08 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hindsight is $20.20. Don't even ask what she charged to see her boobs.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 09:41 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our welcome mat is missing its L. I'd leave it that way but I'm afraid it'll look like we're bragging.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 09:55 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for someone who can't even see.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 11:38 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fool and his money are soon dating women way too good looking for him.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 15:40 by Gman Comments (0)  



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