BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
←Rate | 04-08-2013 14:08 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever opened up a nail salon, I would definitely name it "Handjobs".
←Rate | 11-25-2013 16:24 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried slicing fruit mid-air with my samurai sword like a ninja, but the fruit just fell on the floor and the police tasered me in Wal Mart.
←Rate | 07-06-2013 15:49 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just used the phrase "dilly dally", so I'm looking into retirement homes now.
←Rate | 08-01-2013 23:07 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ugh....... I can never decide which color of shower puff is the most gangster.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 03:59 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Karate Kid would be a shorter movie if Daniel had just bought a gun
←Rate | 06-25-2013 02:22 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
←Rate | 04-19-2013 17:19 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon To quit smoking I can either take a pill that may make me want to kill myself, or take no pills and want to kill someone else...... Conundrum
←Rate | 06-07-2013 02:46 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Couples wearing matching outfits is a hate crime".
←Rate | 05-09-2013 04:31 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just accidentally made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips in the urinal next to me ... I think I need to kill him now.
←Rate | 04-19-2013 17:18 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can never decide whether "Every Breath You Take" by The Police is incredibly sweet, or incredibly terrifying
←Rate | 03-05-2013 22:18 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got banned from bookstore AGAIN this weekend for moving "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign to the erotic aisle.
←Rate | 12-22-2013 10:58 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you find me sharing your status updates, chances are I'm doing it sprawled out naked on a leopard print rug while listening to The Flame by Cheap Trick.
←Rate | 08-13-2013 01:38 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the most exciting part about morning $ex is when the couple turns on the light and they finally see me.
←Rate | 05-16-2013 02:45 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
←Rate | 05-13-2013 20:51 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend is REALLY pi$sed!! He had a vasectomy last year and found out the hard way it doesn't always work..... And apparently it can make your baby black.
←Rate | 01-05-2014 02:58 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if guys who masturbate to feet, ever get off on the wrong foot..... ba-dum ching (Don't get up, I'll let myself out.)
←Rate | 05-22-2013 04:06 by BigSarge Comments (1)  


   messageicon Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on, and not to be covered in Baby Oil!!
←Rate | 01-02-2014 23:27 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If one more teenager uses the term 'Back in the day'...I swear I'm gonna smack the Cr@p out of them with a floppy disk and choke them with my Members Only jacket!!!
←Rate | 05-31-2013 16:12 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to all the Amish people reading this status..........................BUSTED
←Rate | 05-19-2013 14:29 by BigSarge Comments (0)  



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