@zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages

   Home Alone! Expectation: Party! Party! Reality: Peeing with the door open.

   Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. Follow me and you'll live forever!

   The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

   Why did God create man first? So he wouldn't have to be told how to do it.

   Hey, ladies, if you look like a snake swallowed a rib cage you're too skinny.

   Friends: "I need a new profile picture." Me: "I need a new face."

   Blessed are those who are cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!

   Knowing its International Women’s Day is the only thing I know about women.

   Wearing crocs is like getting blown by a dude. Feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

   Men need 100% talent to succeed in life....... Women need only 4%..... because the remaining 36+24+36 helps..

   I saw a fat guy with a "M.O.B." tattoo on his arm. I asked "money over b*tches?" He said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.

   ME … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you ? My Wife... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

   If you watch an Apple store get robbed... are you an iWitness?

   The world is ending tomorrow & we still don't know who let the dogs out, what is love, & Where's Waldo ,or Victoria's secret

   FRIDAY......My second favorite F word

   I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken...

   I want an iPhone with BBM and a Nokia battery.

   There are hundreds of ways to make a woman happy and only one to make a man happy: LEAVE HIM ALONE.

   Karma is like 69: "You get, what you give

   My ex-girlfriend walked past me today and didn't even notice I was there. I must be getting better at this stalking business.