@clarkysj Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I haven't had sex for about 1 year, 4 months, 24 days and 56 minutes. It doesn't bother me though.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 12:58 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon BBC News: Questions being asked why bomb detecting equipment didn't detect fake bomb on board plane which flew from London to Istanbul. Erm, because it wasn't a bomb?
←Rate | 03-30-2011 10:36 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is leaving me because I believe everything I read on the internet. Not worried though, there are some sexy Russian girls in my area.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 13:06 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon The next time someone calls you from a withheld number just answer it and say, "hello London sperm bank. You squeeze it - we freeze it!" ... See what happens.
←Rate | 09-02-2010 09:34 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a soberphobic.
←Rate | 03-18-2012 11:43 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me and my missus got ready to cuddle up and watch our home made porno. I got up and pressed play, but unfortunately It was finished before I sat back down.
←Rate | 01-30-2011 12:03 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon BBC News: Couple remarry 57 years after divorce. God bless Alzheimers.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 10:06 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say so many people die because of alcohol... Perhaps they never realised how many of them are born because of it.
←Rate | 09-10-2011 06:04 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Boob" is the perfect word. The B looks like an aerial view of them, the 2 o's look like a front view, and the b looks like the side view.
←Rate | 03-08-2011 05:56 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon BBC NEWS: Government plans to ban all Internet porn. On an unrelated note, does anyone want to buy a laptop?
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:15 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Royal Wedding, live on YouTube. The Royal Honeymoon, live on RedTube.
←Rate | 04-27-2011 06:06 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pain is nature's way of saying "Don't do that." - Painkillers are mankind's way of saying "F*ck it ... go ahead"
←Rate | 07-15-2010 08:29 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thought of the day: If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness?
←Rate | 08-03-2011 12:43 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1403808.59375 GB in about 3 seconds... And you thought virgin broadband was fast.....
←Rate | 03-15-2011 07:44 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife says I waste money on gadgets we don't need. At least that's what it says in the email she sent from the toaster.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 09:49 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon BBC News: David and Victoria Beckham expecting fourth child. Oh wait, no, she's just eaten an apple.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 10:06 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a child, I always used to search my parent's drawers and cupboards in the run up to Christmas so I'd know exactly what to expect. Although I never did receive that Vibratron Pleasuremax 3000.
←Rate | 12-24-2010 15:16 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p. I've adjusted the price to cover inflation.
←Rate | 04-01-2011 10:21 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt. I was f-kin hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.
←Rate | 01-12-2011 05:03 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon 10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden - In his house.
←Rate | 05-03-2011 04:58 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  



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