andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Screw you, space between my driver's seat and center console that's just the right size to accommodate every thing except my hand.
←Rate | 01-02-2014 02:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The janitor squints at the unfinished equation, picks up the chalk and scrawls methodically. Soon all the eights have top-hats like snowmen.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon red sky at morning, sailors take warning, sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon First date tip: to add an air of mystery, whisper "she suspects nothing" into your wristwatch
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:59 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon i do not like green eggs&ham I do not like them will.i.am woud you eat them in my trunk woud you eat them off my hump my hump my humps
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon a pessimist sees the glass half empty. a possumist sees the glass as a giant possum. sometimes jokes don't make much sense.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: THIS IS THE FURTHEST IN HISTORY ANYONE'S EVER GONE!!!
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call me crazy, but I really prefer the term mentally ill
←Rate | 12-31-2013 06:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ugh. New Year's Eve is just around the corner and I STILL haven't picked out which gang sign I'm going to hold up in photos
←Rate | 12-30-2013 07:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon 4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot to reduce their fractions
←Rate | 12-29-2013 07:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon just read that drug sniffing dogs get treats when they find drugs. we're just creating more addicts, you guys
←Rate | 12-28-2013 06:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Returned every single Christmas gift today. Even handmade ones from my kids
←Rate | 12-27-2013 08:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Basically the way it works is I tell myself I'm not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
←Rate | 12-26-2013 08:00 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If John Cusack ever said I did something I didn't do, I'd say "Take it easy, John Accusack!" and then I'd saunter off.
←Rate | 12-26-2013 07:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nobody can MAKE the Yuletide gay. It's not a choice. That's how it was born.
←Rate | 12-26-2013 05:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?
←Rate | 12-22-2013 06:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quick question: Is it okay if I actually like people I sometimes disagree with? Just wanted to check since I don't see it very often anymore
←Rate | 12-22-2013 06:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always know what my childhood friends are doing these days, thanks to the user-friendly county mugshot database.
←Rate | 12-21-2013 08:20 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Starting a Book Club. First rule of Book Club: read Fight Club.
←Rate | 12-20-2013 05:40 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My high-school was a magnet school. All the girls were repelled by me.
←Rate | 12-16-2013 17:45 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  




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