Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   can ride their bike with no handle bars

   must be stored in a cool dry place away from sunlight.

   now available in widescreen.

   may contain traces of nuts.

   may not be smarter than a 5th grader but for sure smarter than a 4th grader

   boom chackalacka chackalacka (3x)

   attempting to give a damn

   double ough seven

   more issues than your magazine.

   above the influence.

   Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.

   would like to buy a vowel.

   CELEBRATING CAPS LOCK AWARENESS DAY

   back for the first time

   calling doctor after 4 hour erection

   processing please wait

   just two away from a threesome

   crunchy on the outside with a deliciously chewy center

   what's for breakfast!

   really thinks you should get help