andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
←Rate | 01-12-2015 05:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just my normal Saturday, trimming my bonsai tree and teachin' the new kid in my building some karate
←Rate | 01-17-2015 16:06 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon That girl who sells seashells by the seashore is a moron
←Rate | 01-17-2015 20:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don't want to go to prison.
←Rate | 01-19-2015 07:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the 1984 Ratt song Round and Round, the singer belts out the lyrics "What comes around goes around. I'll tell you why." But for the rest of the song, he never DOES tell us why. So... I'm looking for some punitive damages out of this 31 year old false p
←Rate | 01-21-2015 13:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone shoop anymore?
←Rate | 01-22-2015 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s 2015, why don’t we have hover-boards yet?” he typed into a pocket-sized device that can do everything
←Rate | 01-22-2015 05:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
←Rate | 01-23-2015 12:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my attitude towards people was the same as my attitude towards dogs, I'd be a lot more tolerant of jerks if they were good cuddlers.
←Rate | 01-23-2015 12:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I was rich, I'd do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
←Rate | 01-25-2015 06:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 07:36 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 07:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
←Rate | 01-27-2015 05:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure
←Rate | 01-27-2015 05:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only F word out a woman's mouth that scares me is "fine."
←Rate | 01-29-2015 12:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are like eye-candy... I'm more like eye-meatloaf.
←Rate | 01-29-2015 12:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't.
←Rate | 02-02-2015 05:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Momma left strict instructions to knock you out
←Rate | 02-02-2015 05:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waiter, is the chicken cage-free? Yes, they've never seen a Nicholas Cage movie. Not even Con-Air?! That's a classic! Fine, I'll have the steak.
←Rate | 02-08-2015 06:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I’ve learned anything from soap commercials, it’s that only attractive people take showers.
←Rate | 02-09-2015 09:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  




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