huck Funny Status Messages

   I'm starting to think Chris Brown is in Fight Club

   My biggest fear is dying and becoming a ghost that has to go around and get people to try my blueberry cereal.

   I heard that Tom Brady isn't going to the pro bowl for an undisclosed injury. Didn't know bruised ego was a real injury.

   I've never met a group of people more worried about their "privacy" than the people on Facebook that share EVERYTHING about themselves.

   If you try to win an argument by comparing the other side to "nazis", you are worse than Hitler.

   1. Sit down next to stranger on park bench. 2. Place an envelope beside him. 3. Whisper, "It has to look like an accident." 4. Walk away.

   Been a while since “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” & “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” We need a new song where someone yells a list.

   I was planning on being productive today until I heard Rump Shaker on the radio. Now all I wanna do is zoom-a-zoom zoom-zoom in a boom-boom.

   Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. - Dog

   If you live by the sword, I guess that's pretty cool. I live by some trees and other houses

   In 10 years I'm opening a lower-back tattoo removal clinic called 'Mom What's That?'

   The Price Is Right losing horn should play every time you think you've found a parking space but it's actually filled by a small car or motorcycle

   I love eavesdropping on people's private conversations. Always hoping I hear something that leads to me foiling a terrorist plot.

   If you think this years elections were nasty think of the ones in thirty years when all of the candidates had a Facebook their entire life.

   How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my favorite holiday special about a burglar whose crimes go wholly unpunished.

   I just spelled "diarrhea" correctly on my first try! I'd be more happy about this if it wasn't for all this diarrhea.

   Inventor of the bar code dies at 91. Several burial attempts will be made before a manager is called to enter him into the ground manually.

   I like how on cop cars, "To protect and serve" is in quotes, like they're being sarcastic.

   MTV to Ring in New Year With Ke$ha and 'Jersey Shore' Cast. So if the world ends on the 21st, it will at least spare us that.

   You like piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain. Thus, this intervention.