andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I would love to put out a comic labeled "For Mature Readers" that is just a heartfelt meditation on aging and mortality.
←Rate | 02-25-2014 09:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vacation to Hawaii? Meh. Paris? No thanks. Venice? I'll pass. Back in time to being 7 years old on a Saturday? YES, PLEASE!!
←Rate | 02-25-2014 09:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are getting a divorce. I guess what rhymes with hug me is alimony
←Rate | 02-25-2014 05:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun Fact Ladies: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
←Rate | 02-18-2014 05:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always wrap someone's fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock
←Rate | 02-18-2014 05:46 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome
←Rate | 02-15-2014 05:16 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The great thing about waking up to 3 feet of snow is it gives me a legit excuse to skip my usual 5:30am 20K run.
←Rate | 02-14-2014 07:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a bad Day? Remember there are folks who have their ex's name tattooed on their body
←Rate | 02-14-2014 05:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The main message women seemed to take away from Cinderella is it's okay to take your shoes off when you go out.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 04:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hippos are actually more dangerous than crocodiles and sharks combined." - Moron who clearly hasn't pictured a Crocoshark.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 04:55 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can never rule out the possibility that someone in your life is dead and you've been getting Weekend-at-Bernie'ed.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 12:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks CVS, I don’t need a bag. I’ll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you log into Australian Instagram you can see the bottom half of your sunset photos.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every 3-year-old have two speeds: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME and FACE PLANT.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:19 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon well I've already broken my New Year's resolution, which was to be the ruthless dictator of Belgium.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a financial adviser asks me my goals I'm embarrassed to admit that it's to ride a snowmobile on the moon
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I broke into your house, dressed your cat like Angela Lansbury, and filmed my "Meowder She Wrote" pilot.
←Rate | 02-08-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "This was the best football game I've ever seen!" -Guy who's never seen a football game.
←Rate | 02-02-2014 22:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stared into the abyss and the abyss was like, "Uh my eyes are up here!"
←Rate | 01-29-2014 22:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon All any of us really want is someone to be a Chunk to our Sloth.
←Rate | 01-27-2014 05:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  




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