Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Remembering 911 is easy. Remembering the phone number to Luigi's Pizza and Pasta Palace is not.
←Rate | 09-11-2023 06:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it ironic that I have to use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
←Rate | 09-10-2023 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parenting teenage boys is like managing a small, rebellious nation. Negotiations are intense, there's always drama, and you're constantly working to keep the peace. But hey, at least I'm getting real-world experience in crisis management. 🤣🥰😄
←Rate | 09-08-2023 18:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Detroit Lions are leading the NFL in wins.
←Rate | 09-08-2023 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mess with your older neighbors by adding water to their rain gauges.
←Rate | 09-07-2023 19:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a mosquito stand on my arm and let it bite me while I just stared and said "is it in yet?" to make it feel insecure about itself.
←Rate | 09-07-2023 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb
←Rate | 09-07-2023 12:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, damn that must have been really painful.
←Rate | 09-07-2023 11:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A leopard can drag something half its weight up a tree. A cougar can drag someone half her age into bed.
←Rate | 09-07-2023 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lesbians are
←Rate | 09-07-2023 01:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I WENT AND PUT MY SYMPTOMS ON WEB MD. TURN OUT I HAVE GARY BUSEY DISEASE .
←Rate | 09-06-2023 23:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't afford one of those DNA/ancestry kits, so instead, I posted that I won the lottery.
←Rate | 09-06-2023 09:04 by Bazoo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word of the Day: Bozone. The aura surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
←Rate | 09-06-2023 08:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Genie granted me 1 wish and all I wanted was to be Happy . Now I live with 6 Dwarfs and work in a forest..
←Rate | 09-05-2023 14:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah, yeah. You're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, but they're my arms and legs and I can't leave them at home.
←Rate | 09-05-2023 10:20 by GladysFassolini Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instagram: Hispanic women with big rear-ends whose entire bodies will resemble pumpkins with legs when they turn 50.
←Rate | 09-05-2023 10:14 by American-and-Glad Comments (0)  


   messageicon I call my peeniss Joe Pesci, because I haven't seen that little guy in years.
←Rate | 09-05-2023 10:09 by Chubby Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I comment on your post “Nice filter, are you gonna block me?”
←Rate | 09-05-2023 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Song Wrecker . Someone who you can't listen to a certain song without having a bad flashback to ?
←Rate | 09-03-2023 13:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can never find my college Alma Mater's football games on TV. I attended FU. It's the only school that'd accept me. I graduated Smegma Cum Lordy.
←Rate | 09-03-2023 10:34 by BakedBeans Comments (0)  




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