Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Don't tickle the dragon unless you're ready for the fire.
←Rate | 09-20-2017 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word of the Day: Gate Rape - An overly intrusive TSA screening at the airport.
←Rate | 09-21-2017 07:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the best thing about being single? Having the bed all to yourself. What's the worst thing about being single? Having the bed all to yourself.
←Rate | 09-21-2017 21:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Red wine pairs beautifully with procrastination.
←Rate | 09-22-2017 22:58 by Jergim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone tells me "things could always be worse", I try to be optimistic and reply "things could always be better." That's the power of positive thinking, right?
←Rate | 09-27-2017 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some say laughter is the best medicine. I prefer sedatives.
←Rate | 02-02-2017 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else's house
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you buy weight loss products at GNC the only thing you'll lose is your money...
←Rate | 01-25-2018 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbor using it.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 10:28 by MDS Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic's, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
←Rate | 02-09-2018 17:08 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you think about it, isn't egg salad really chicken salad?
←Rate | 03-30-2017 11:10 by Me E Comments (1)  


   messageicon A small *ATM room* which is equipped with *2 ACs* and *4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment
←Rate | 03-01-2017 05:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 23:22 Comments (4)  


   messageicon I have now survived 21,364 days and13 hours without using essential oils or eating kale. thank you for your prayers and support during these trying times.
←Rate | 06-21-2017 19:33 by the barber Comments (1)  


   messageicon to the woman that won the powerball.."What's up baby"...
←Rate | 08-24-2017 19:26 by Sinned Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
←Rate | 11-08-2017 18:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What people need are Café Mocha Marijuana Latte's. . .
←Rate | 12-14-2017 09:27 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
←Rate | 02-22-2017 07:38 by Anon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patriot Act(342 pages) isn't patriotic. The Affordable Care Act(20,000 pages) isn't affordable, and The Net Neutrality Act(400 pages) won't be neutral. When the government tries to spin something as good, you should expect the exact opposite.
←Rate | 07-24-2017 10:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost 3 pounds over the weekend.but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
←Rate | 04-25-2017 08:48 Comments (0)  



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