Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I can't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.
←Rate | 07-31-2017 14:53 by Corn Squeezins Comments (1)  


   messageicon The far right and the far left are both extremes and should be condemned equally.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I look at you, I can hear music.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 07:30 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon if the Earth is flat, then my belly is too.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 16:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congress is so strange. Someone gets up to speak, says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.
←Rate | 07-14-2017 07:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any coincidence that OJ gets parole about the same time that Ford Motor Company brings back the Bronco?
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK. Who decided to call it "marijuana possession" and not "joint custody"?
←Rate | 09-22-2017 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You ever read a girl status and wished someone would just treat her right so she'd just stfu
←Rate | 08-30-2018 12:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason.
←Rate | 04-24-2017 16:41 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it's an intervention.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're constantly stirring the pot, not only should you be required to lick the spoon, but also have that spoon jammed up your butt. Perhaps that's your goal anyways.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 01:02 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It's better to be kissed by a fool than be fooled by a kiss
←Rate | 11-19-2017 16:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady Gaga, Demi Lovato, Hillary Duff and Beyonce say they are sending their prayers to Houston. I feel like such a jerk. All I sent was money.
←Rate | 08-29-2017 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
←Rate | 04-28-2017 07:51 Comments (2)  


   messageicon If you don't own a dog whistle you can use two teenage girls who haven't seen each other in a month.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
←Rate | 07-21-2017 10:53 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a cashier asks if you found everything you were looking for, take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and say, "I have now."
←Rate | 08-17-2017 08:41 by Moose42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 06:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you call me from a private number I'll respect your privacy and not answer
←Rate | 03-23-2018 04:56 Comments (0)  


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