father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

   "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after Luke won the lottery.

   "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!

   Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?

   Father's Day must be the most confusing day in the ghetto.

   I have to be careful with my kids when I talk about the death of their father. It's a sensitive subject and I don't want them warning him.

   kid climbed into the Gorilla exhibit because the Gorilla looked like his jigaboo father

   Ivanka Trump is writing a new book called "Women Who Work: Rewriting The Rules Of Success." Rule number 1 is having a wealthy, powerful father.

   The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.

   Happy Father's Day to all the real Dad's.... Sit down deadbeats we celebrate you on April Fool's Day...

   When I want the entire beach to myself on Father's Day, I wear a Speedo.

   It's Father's Day not FARTHERS DAY Ladies

   Guess who's not getting anything for father's day....Bruce Jenner

   I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.

   My chore list is cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.

   The United Kingdom just asked Donald Trump's father for a small loan.

   Coworker: I have an announcement to make. We are expecting twins. Me: Congrats on having 2 kids with the same father!

   Mick Jagger to be a father at 72. Names Keith Richards child's godfather to ensure the child is brought up right long after Mick's gone.

   I find it fascinating that the Media always has a hard on to ask Ivanka Trump about how HER father treats women .... BUT for some reason NO media outlet whatsoever ...... NEVER asks Chelsea Clinton that. .... Curious isn't it.

   ... So Hillary invites the father of the Orlando Gay Nightclub murderer to sit behind her at her rally! Heck ... least she could have done is asked him to wear shades to hide his identity. Hmm REALLY BEGINNING TO QUESTION HER Ability to represent America