hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   My number one New Year's Resolution is: Don't die.

   If you wear a pirates outfit to PetSmart... you can walk out with a like eight parrots on each shoulder and they can't say nothing.

   A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her a...mediately!!!

   I got kicked out the pool today,apperently the breaststroke isn't what I thought it was

   I didn't hear the sea when I held a Shell up. I did however get 6 years in jail for armed robbery on a Gas Station

   A night of insomnia is always followed by a morning of browser history clearing.

   The first person that falls asleep at my parties doesn't get written on or their hand in warm water. They get the phone numbers of their girlfriend and ex-girlfriend switched in their cell phone.

   Maybe if women would quit playing games they'd worry less about competition.

   Since I'm so good at failing to fullfill my resolutions, this year my resolutions are to be unhealthy, avoid the gym, pay my bills late and have more sex with ugly girls.

   Want to hate any song in less than ten seconds? Just set it as your alarm for 5:30 in the morning.

   I just want a Christmas like we used to have with all of us together pretending we're enjoying it.

   They need to make a commercial for the lottery that's all about a guy using the money for revenge.

   Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they're not looking

   I wish that I would get a popup for "possible virus" when I meet new girls.

   It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year

   I'm so gangster, I don't even send an error report to Microsoft when Internet Explorer unexpectedly quits. Snitches get Stitches.

   Worst part about having an iPhone or any other smart phone for that matter is when you get mad you can't slam the phone

   Just got fired from my part time job working from home because "Apparently" when people call for support I shouldn't tell them that I am not wearing pants.

   My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it's because she's a big dumb stinkyhead that's jealous of my awesome Transformers collection

   Just sang every word of Adele's "Someone Like You" and all this girl said was "Do you understand why I pulled you over?" Rude.