andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'andrew jackson': View All Messages
Page: 15 of 24

   messageicon For job interviews, your best bet is to dress as a pizza delivery person, march in and say “Who ordered DILIGENCE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL!?”
←Rate | 06-20-2014 05:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon a pessimist sees the glass half empty. a possumist sees the glass as a giant possum. sometimes jokes don't make much sense.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon People using "obtuse" in a sentence think they're smart by using a $.10 word. Really, they only know it because Shawshank is on TV weekly
←Rate | 12-27-2014 06:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The janitor squints at the unfinished equation, picks up the chalk and scrawls methodically. Soon all the eights have top-hats like snowmen.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just noticed that the disclaimer at the beginning of Shark Tank says the Sharks are not really sharks, they are people.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 06:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon However lonely you feel, you're never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
←Rate | 01-07-2014 06:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The holidays are a good time to think about those less fortunate than you. Aaaaaaand done.
←Rate | 12-14-2014 08:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors
←Rate | 04-04-2014 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
←Rate | 05-01-2014 06:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a diner last night & the waitress asked "is pepsi okay?" I said I don't know!! did something happen?
←Rate | 12-06-2014 06:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon A funny thing to do when someone's dog barks at you is say, "I don't speak dog," and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently.
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really like the phrase "inspector gadget level incompetence"
←Rate | 11-02-2013 06:58 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if actors line their walls with autographed pictures of restaurant owners and dry cleaners.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 05:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Very nervous to use the bathroom because I ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight
←Rate | 08-27-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes if I'm alone at night I have this horrible fear that a murderous stranger will break in wearing like, the exact same outfit as me.
←Rate | 06-02-2013 08:19 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
←Rate | 08-23-2014 06:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome
←Rate | 02-15-2014 05:16 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mike Tyson claims he was high during fights. Strange he seemed so normal and in control of himself.
←Rate | 11-15-2013 18:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey girl, are you an angel? Because your hair's in my pasta. I'd like to speak to the manager.
←Rate | 08-19-2014 06:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm feeling vulnerable tonight. I wasn't able to validate my personality with a BuzzFeed quiz today.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  




[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left