huck Funny Status Messages

   For no reason at all Smash Mouth's "All Star" is stuck in my head. I'm sorry to do this to you, but if I go down, we all go down.

   Was JFK killed by a lone gunman or was there a conspiracy? Compelling new evidence proves beyond doubt that it makes no difference at all, he's still dead

   If there's one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it's... "Goonies never say die!"

   I honestly think my dog feels almost no remorse at how messy she makes my house.

   Has anyone else noticed the plots of "Finding Nemo" and "Taken" are virtually identical?

   Just checking in to make sure that there is ample drama in my timeline. Yup, looks good to me.

   You like piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain. Thus, this intervention.

   I often think if I'd taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.

   Social media is perfect when you're feeling sorry for yourself and your desire is to feel worse.

   I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.

   Those Cialis dudes get turned on when they see really bad acting

   The Human Brain is remarkable. It is the worlds most intelligent and advanced biological creation. The peak of human evolution. Then occasionally it forgets all that, like just now, when I went to scratch my eye and punched myself in the face instead.

   Cops don't like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air then you wave them like you just don't care.

   I dream of a universe where world leaders rush to comment on entertainment news as quickly as entertainers rush to comment on world affairs.

   I heard that Tom Brady isn't going to the pro bowl for an undisclosed injury. Didn't know bruised ego was a real injury.

   Don't run with scissors -- unless you're stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!

   All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids

   Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane... ? What were they so excited about?

   Old lady in the blue track suit in front if me smells like garlic and moth balls. I would complain but I think she's a Crip!.

   I wanna get pulled over at 88 mph just so I can tell the cop: "Sorry, Flux capacitor must be busted. I should be in 1957."