Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 14 of 5701

   messageicon A smart man covers his ass. A wise man keeps his pants on.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 08:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm reaching the point where I really hope it's not possible to be annoyed to death.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:19 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like ever since Matthew McConaughey won the Oscar he has just been driving around in Lincolns drinking Wild Turkey
←Rate | 04-13-2017 22:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.
←Rate | 07-20-2017 20:10 by Pj Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender can I tell everyone that "Yeah, I Juice."
←Rate | 09-02-2017 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sent a coworker a 15 page document as 15 one page PDF files rather than one 15 page PDF file. Passive-aggressive level achieved: Expert
←Rate | 09-13-2017 02:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who publicly announce they're "taking a break" from social media, are merely disgruntled that they have only 10 friends and even those 10 never comment.
←Rate | 09-23-2017 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody have a treadmill for sale? My closet is full and I need more space to hang my clothes
←Rate | 01-11-2018 03:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was young I took drugs to blow my mind. Now I take drugs not to lose it.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fun prank for Halloween is to train your dog to sit and growl at the padlocked closet as your guests arrive
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow
←Rate | 01-15-2018 23:03 by Crewz Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're always concern about the opinion people have about you. You'll never be happy.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 18:51 by Justathought Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientist have now cloned monkeys. Next on the Primate ladder before they reach humans- Politicians.
←Rate | 01-25-2018 19:42 by BobB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I signed up for aerobics classes and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
←Rate | 01-27-2018 04:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When life gives you a hundred reasons not to go to work today.....don't argue with it
←Rate | 01-31-2018 04:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That silly moment when your gas tank is on 'E' and you turn the music off like it's going to save gas
←Rate | 01-30-2018 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate brushing teeth at night because that signifies that you can't have anymore food and I'm just never ready for that kind of commitment
←Rate | 02-01-2018 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
←Rate | 02-06-2018 04:05 Comments (0)  



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