Funny Status Messages for Facebook

X says Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-20-2012 09:09 Comments (0)

X is I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-28-2013 10:30 by REPPIN361TEXAS Comments (0)

X is I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-22-2013 21:19 by BEGO Comments (0)

X Most popular words spoken by a Pastor today..."Wow ...I haven't seen you since last Easter "

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-31-2013 11:25 by Steve OH Comments (0)

X If you see a porcupine in your yard, that's my cat and we're not done with our accupuncture session.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-01-2013 16:38 by snotty Comments (0)

X I shouldn't have had that 14th cup of coffee... I CAN'T EVEN BLINK ANYMORE!

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-03-2013 10:05 by MWC Comments (0)

X says Trillions of stars. Billions of galaxies. So many civilizations. But you’ll never explore one. You’re stuck here on earth hearing about the damn Kardashians.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-08-2013 00:56 by Kisstopher Comments (0)

X is If you workout and don't post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-18-2013 19:24 Comments (0)

X Remember when you ordered from Columbia House... the first 5 times?

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-24-2013 19:35 by JimmyCos Comments (0)

X is I had ADHD as a kid but they had a different name for it. They called it sit down and shut the h*ll up or get medicated with"the belt."

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-25-2013 18:22 Comments (0)

X If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a dinosaur who passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-18-2011 09:37 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-06-2010 12:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Whenever anyone asks me who I'm on the phone with I say...."Jake, from State Farm!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-10-2012 09:25 by Maureen Comments (0)

X is I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2013 17:51 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-29-2012 15:57 by Baddie Comments (0)

X I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 2 minutes.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-30-2012 04:59 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)

X Who came up with the brilliant idea of moving the clocks forward on the weekend...in the middle of the night?? Why not move them ahead on a Friday around 4PM?

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-08-2013 13:13 Comments (0)

X Maybe we should be focussing less on Goldilocks and more on why Mama and Papa bear don't sleep in the same bed anymore.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-24-2013 14:24 by Aaron Comments (0)

X There's nothing more awkward then asking "who is this" when getting a heartfelt holiday text.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-26-2011 07:58 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)

X says If you keep your child on a leash in public, I will not hesitate to ask "Does he bite?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-07-2012 14:01 by Baddie Comments (0)