santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   The neighbors are already putting up their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving who have obviously been shopping in Walmart.

   The last time I bought a Christmas tree the sales person said “are you going to put that up yourself?” I thought, that is strange. No, I’m just gonna put it up in the living room

   Can we celebrate Thanksgiving this year and be thankful for all we have before we start thinking about all the cheap Chinese made plastic junk we don't need for Christmas?

   Like people who leave their Christmas decorations up all year I left my Halloween decorations up and saved a lot of work thanks to the spiders!

   Lady stabbed a guy singing Christmas Songs at the Mall. I bailed her out.

   There is nothing stopping a condom company from saying they are the only condoms worn by Santa Claus

   The night before the kids go back to school is the grown ups version of Christmas Eve.

   This is ridiculous its July 8th... Neighbors are still shooting off fireworks, one almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire..

   Now it's too hot out to take the Christmas lights down.

   For Sale. Slightly used Christmas tree. Price negotiable. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.

   For sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Can pick up in front of neighbors house.

   Loving and all these Christmas photos you're posting of your families who look as joyous and festive as the family who came with a picture frame I bought a while ago, who I also don't know.

   To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.

   I think for Christmas Mark Zuckerberg should share some of his wealth with us all we helped him make, or at least give us fonts.

   You know what most people are getting for Christmas? Fat.

   The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.

   This whole Santa should have no gender is crap. Here is how you know Santa is a man. He shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, calls you a Ho and leaves while you're asleep.

   Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt

   if you like christmas so much why don't you merry it

   My wife said I can't have a flamethrower for Christmas.