Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist.
←Rate | 06-17-2010 19:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time it's hard not to think to yourself... "I've licked your daughter's nipples."
←Rate | 06-18-2010 02:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 17:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first few people to join Facebook must have felt like pretty big losers.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 17:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking that the only good mornings are the ones that start in the afternoon.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 09:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 17:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try to be tolerant but then other people go and mess it up.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 17:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing improves creativity more than a lack of supervision.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 18:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A North Carolina waitress was fired for complaining on Facebook about a small tip she received. A lesson to all servers who like to post online complaints: write them where they'll never be seen — on MySpace.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 18:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I try to masturbate long words into my jokes, even if I don't know what they mean.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 21:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After all the years of using condoms, it was only today I realized what the little bit on the end is really for... It's to put your foot on, to get the tight ba$tard off! Or maybe that's just me?
←Rate | 06-19-2010 21:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is..." I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a bottle of Jack Daniels as a backup plan.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not perfect, but I'm better than your ex and gonna be better than your next.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speed bumps should be called slow-down bumps. (I tells it like I see it.)
←Rate | 06-22-2010 07:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.
←Rate | 06-23-2010 17:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really hate people who breathe too hard... I can hear you breathing and that is a problem.
←Rate | 06-23-2010 17:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worrying is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.
←Rate | 06-23-2010 22:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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