flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I don't cut in front of people whenever I'm waiting in long line, that's rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
←Rate | 10-18-2011 06:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...
←Rate | 03-09-2012 08:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For instance, if theyre placed around your throat shes probably a violent person.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I instantly smile when I see a text from you, I don't care what's in it. It's amazing to know I crossed your mind even just for a second.
←Rate | 01-27-2012 09:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when its dark and my brain is like "Hey you know what we haven't thought of in a while?" Monsters.
←Rate | 08-04-2011 03:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your Facebook page.
←Rate | 05-05-2013 16:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm on my deathbed, I'm definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 05:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is probably a lot of ATM security camera footage of me rocking out.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 08:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every person who ever asked if they were bothering me was bothering me
←Rate | 01-24-2012 11:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
←Rate | 11-03-2016 06:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure that just before I get to Walmart some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping
←Rate | 04-25-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who use that snobby pronunciation of "vase" make me want to punch them in the foz.
←Rate | 03-30-2012 10:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lengths I'm willing to go to avoid somebody I know in a supermarket could count as cardio.
←Rate | 02-28-2012 10:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If movies have taught me anything it's that all car chases eventually lead through a fruit stand.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 12:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone should sit Lindsay Lohan down and force her to watch that episode of Saved by the Bell where Jessie was addicted to caffeine pills.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 11:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's not fair that haunted houses pay someone to dress up & chase customers with a chainsaw but grocery stores won't let me do it for free.
←Rate | 10-16-2012 06:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I snuck in my neighbor's house last night and ate up all their Christmas cookies. This secret Santa thing isn't so bad after all.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 07:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 pm on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".
←Rate | 03-16-2013 08:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time heals all wounds. Except sucking chest wounds. You should see a doctor about that.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 08:18 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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