Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The fastest way to confuse a woman is to tell her she looks great now that she's gained a couple of pounds.
←Rate | 09-26-2013 15:14 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's sad how an animal like a dog shows more humanity than humans do.
←Rate | 12-17-2013 23:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coworker: I saw you at Starbucks this morning but didn't say hi Me: Thanks
←Rate | 07-15-2015 13:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's still so much I have to unlearn.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 23:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this rate, it's starting to seem like Americans will be voting on which candidate to keep out of jail in November.
←Rate | 10-09-2016 01:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kinda woman has more sex swings than mood swings.
←Rate | 07-16-2013 02:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so depressing how the <3 symbol looks like someone dropped their ice cream cone.
←Rate | 07-17-2014 09:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Liver: The holidays are almost over. Come on you can do this!
←Rate | 12-31-2013 13:11 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The number of STDs she can spell without autocorrect really bothers me.
←Rate | 01-31-2015 09:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I wanted human interaction i'd take my headphones off during this date.
←Rate | 10-25-2017 15:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people solely exist to test your patience and self-control.
←Rate | 02-15-2014 06:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Liquor stores should deliver to do their part to help with the drunk driving problem.
←Rate | 11-09-2013 13:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I listen to gangsta rap sprinkled with a little Adele. Will I murder you? Will I buy you a puppy? You never know.
←Rate | 11-29-2015 23:53 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you decide to walk a mile in my shoes, it will likely just be a mile of circles looking for the remote.
←Rate | 10-07-2013 12:22 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if NASCAR is really just rednecks saying "nice car"
←Rate | 02-11-2015 16:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's totally ok to create a Facebook account for your pet, provided you have severe mental retardation.
←Rate | 05-27-2013 12:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women who claim their favorite TV show is Keeping Up With The Kardashians, are just confessing they'll give blow jobs for a shopping spree.
←Rate | 06-21-2014 12:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Kardashian is back in the studio, working on an album? She's turning her sex tape into a musical?
←Rate | 06-22-2014 06:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just looking for a reason not to drink
←Rate | 10-30-2014 15:22 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a freak.
←Rate | 04-08-2014 00:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  




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