love Funny Status Messages

   Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M&M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages.

   Dear fad following teenage girls, could one of you at least clean the mirror before taking your photo, and we'd like to thank you all for showing us 1 disgusting bathroom after another. Love, the world.

   For the love of God, how do I remove Vuze from my computer????

   Forget love and lust, I just want to find someone I can be comfortable with and not have to hold my farts in when I am with them. . .

   Don't be afraid to love again. Just kidding

   Some couples experience a deep, unconditional love that transcends words and exists as happiness in its purest form. I have that with vodka.

   You all need to listen to Ray Rice cover Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator". Its going to be a bit hit.

   Oh, the things I do for love...like lie to the police concerning my whereabouts the night of August 4th...

   Sex might satisfy, food might fuel, love might sustain, but without booze, what is the point?

   I love you so much I increased your life insurance. Now shut up and drink your poison.

   I love when people see me and say..." Ohh I've been meaning to call you.. But lost your number.." B itch my number hasn't changed in 10 yrs! It should be implanted into your brain cells!

   If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, hunt it down and beat the snot out of it.

   Who know why there are so Many Birthdays in October? Simply because valentine day was nine months Ago people who are born in this month most be called fruit of love ;)

   OMG I just wasted my time watching the twilight series :love triangle between a depressed girl a 110 yr old vampire and a werewolf !

   Get back here you stupid b*tch so that I can love you.

   Shut your legs love, I can smell your issues from over here.

   facebook baby,i love you,even though you suck. . . or,maybe THAT is why I love you

   "Love me tender." - pirate describing his fondness of breaded chicken

   I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

   Love seeing life through the eyes of a child. So I made the nephew a helmet-cam and let him take a spin in the dryer.