Funny Status Messages Search

X Vodka is the drink of feelings. Whiskey is the drink of revenge against feelings. I'll take one of each, please.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-11-2011 10:35 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Would You Like a Table?” … “No not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-16-2011 09:23 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Ben Franklin started 1st Colonial Printing Press using Hemp paper. Not saying he smoked it. Lots of sober guys fly kites in Thunderstorms.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-31-2012 12:37 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-18-2012 09:53 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-12-2011 12:21 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-22-2011 14:02 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Cashiers are always checking me out.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-18-2011 09:38 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-18-2011 18:36 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Bullsh!t, cheaters ALWAYS win. That's the point of cheating. If you cheated and didn't win, no one would ever cheat.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-06-2011 22:51 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X In grade school it's called bullying but when you get older it's referred to as upper level management.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-21-2012 13:36 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X If Target sends you coupons for rope, garbage bags, and bleach, abort the mission. They know too much.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-23-2012 09:50 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I hate when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like all this invisible sh!t.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-07-2011 10:31 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-15-2011 18:20 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X If there's one thing that I've learned it's, that I should have learned way more than one thing.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-02-2011 17:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X False praise helps no one. That's why I tell children exactly how terrible their drawings are. It's called Managing Expectations.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-19-2012 10:41 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Gadaffi has been killed but unfortunately the 14 other spellings of his name remain at large.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-20-2011 10:34 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X There aren't many passengers on this train of thought.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-09-2011 13:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X My advice for pretty much anything that's broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-23-2011 22:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X It's time to stop making the same old mistakes in your life. Get creative. Make some new ones.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-11-2011 11:35 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I just heard a woodpecker call me a 'paranoid old weirdo' in morse code.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-26-2012 12:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)