flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I could probably beat Usain Bolt if we were both trying to get the last ice cream sandwich.
←Rate | 08-09-2012 09:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got a letter from one of those traffic light cameras. No ticket; just a picture of me with the caption "Nice shirt, douche bag."
←Rate | 04-12-2011 07:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet I could win a gold medal for 'least amount of Olympics watched.' But I'll never know if I do.
←Rate | 02-08-2014 05:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adam never let Eve boss him around. He wore the plants in the relationship.
←Rate | 06-07-2012 08:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who write "WASH ME" on dirty cars are the same people who think "Pull My Finger" is the most hilarious game ever
←Rate | 10-11-2011 10:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I've taken today's gummy vitamins.
←Rate | 06-02-2013 08:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today MTV turns 30, and yes I'm old enough to remember when they played music videos
←Rate | 08-01-2011 06:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people in this world and it is easily determined by what they do when an ice cube falls on the floor.
←Rate | 12-24-2013 05:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying the word “awkward” in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it
←Rate | 02-21-2014 05:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A giraffe in a top hat walks into a bar and orders six martinis and shame on you for wanting a punchline. This giraffe needs help.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 12:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I finally meet the love of my life, I hope he appreciates all the time I spent following him and hiding in his bushes.
←Rate | 04-07-2012 08:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. And thats where I come in.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 09:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Despite protests, my wife has yet to step down from her post as the oppressive leader of our house.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So did all those kids that had the skate or die t shirts in the 90s die?
←Rate | 07-28-2011 19:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could be a sports analyst because I'm good at saying "at the end of the day" and "arguably".
←Rate | 04-29-2012 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think St. Patrick is looking down from heaven thinking, "What are they doing? I hated beer and the color green."
←Rate | 03-17-2013 07:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, "Yes, but does it work on cats?"
←Rate | 02-18-2012 05:56 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon A watched pot never boils, but an un-watched pot boils over, so I don't know what you want from me life!
←Rate | 04-02-2013 06:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I've done in my entire life.
←Rate | 10-28-2013 05:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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