andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Just before I wrecked myself, I had the sense to chickity check myself.
←Rate | 05-19-2013 09:07 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
←Rate | 12-10-2013 05:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about legalizing marijuana would be not having to listen to anyone else explain to me why we should legalize marijuana
←Rate | 04-09-2014 05:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My weekend mood fluctuates between “better get the lawn mowed before it rains” and “Hurry up and rain so I can’t mow the lawn.”
←Rate | 05-16-2015 16:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
←Rate | 09-12-2014 05:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Click "Like" if you agree that I don't need your validation
←Rate | 04-13-2014 06:15 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He's got a gun!" and then you'll look like a cool hero.
←Rate | 09-02-2013 15:59 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got all dressed for work and then remembered it's Wednesday and I don't have a job.
←Rate | 08-21-2013 13:06 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kissing burns 6.4 calories per minute. Wanna workout?
←Rate | 05-27-2013 08:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon A smile is like tight underwear, it lifts your cheeks
←Rate | 10-03-2015 09:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
←Rate | 08-11-2014 04:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can’t believe I grew up for this.
←Rate | 03-18-2014 05:17 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama said he wouldn't let his son play football bc he fears it would cause dementia. Someone should tell Obama that he doesn't have a son.
←Rate | 01-19-2014 16:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there no Knock Knock jokes about America? Because Freedom rings.
←Rate | 07-04-2014 05:51 by andrew jackson Comments (2)  


   messageicon I miss playing Capture The Flag. Adulthood is sad.
←Rate | 07-20-2013 08:40 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Used to work at a funeral home, and whenever I called out sick I always felt like I was leading them on.
←Rate | 03-22-2014 05:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to be drunk with power but I've never even been buzzed. I'm like the designated driver of power.
←Rate | 02-17-2015 05:02 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our relationship with ants is weird. Ants are, like, "Hey, I only want these crumbs, ok?" and we're all, "NO YOU WILL NOT!"
←Rate | 03-19-2015 13:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
←Rate | 07-18-2014 03:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think of a number. Double it. Add eight. Half it. Minus the number you started with. Close your eyes.... It's dark, isn't it?
←Rate | 09-07-2013 07:00 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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