Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?" "It's a really obscure number, you probably haven't heard of it."
←Rate | 08-25-2019 16:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For next season’s “survivor” series, let’s get 16 politicians and force them to live on minimum wage.
←Rate | 10-01-2019 04:50 by Crewzey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Less than two weeks until Canadian Thanksgiving. Better start marinating the beaver.
←Rate | 10-02-2019 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
←Rate | 01-06-2018 01:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a company called Kia and a company called Nokia. I’m not sure who to believe
←Rate | 01-06-2018 05:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
←Rate | 01-08-2018 06:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, your smart devices can talk to each other now and they are giggling about you behind your back.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 20:25 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your child is eating Tide Pods, you failed as a parent.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 19:35 by RickH. Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you buy weight loss products at GNC the only thing you'll lose is your money...
←Rate | 01-25-2018 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always ask if I can pay in bitcoins now, not because I have any but because I want to be cool
←Rate | 02-07-2018 11:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you receive a text/forward that says, ”Send it to all your friends,” then please don't consider me as your friend while forwarding it, thanks
←Rate | 04-03-2018 05:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you
←Rate | 04-04-2018 07:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It wasn’t me" - First rule of fart club
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Florida traffic is a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
←Rate | 04-12-2018 07:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe I should have just gotten in the van.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon PUBLIC CHRISTMAS SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: .... Always remember, If you got a big-screen TV for Christmas, be sure to put the empty box out with your neighbor's trash. That way, their house will get robbed instead of yours.
←Rate | 12-09-2016 11:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some say laughter is the best medicine. I prefer sedatives.
←Rate | 02-02-2017 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted to be an astronaut until I found out they make you come back.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 15:02 Comments (0)  




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