Funny Status Messages for Facebook

X watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven't taken him away from his parents yet.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-29-2011 18:54 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)

X says I've reached the most difficult moment in parenting: explaining to my son why the first Star Wars movie is Episode 4.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-15-2012 18:41 by flinnie Comments (0)

X is Why do they still print the phonebook? "Gee, thanks. Here's a large printed portion of the internet for me to throw away."

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-23-2013 22:51 by Kentonious Maximus Comments (0)

X says I really don't understand how a dog can eat it's own vomit, lick his own butt, eat all his shi t and be fine and then they eat half a candy bar and die.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-02-2013 02:01 Comments (1)

X is "Common sense" is dead an buried. What we have today is "rare sense".

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-05-2013 11:49 by @jimzaiter Comments (0)

X You don't know true competition until you're one of the last two people in musical chairs.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2013 15:05 Comments (0)

X is If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is "My god how does he drink his beer??", You might be an alcoholic.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-02-2013 01:06 by Reznor Comments (0)

X says Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-02-2013 01:57 by Kiki Comments (0)

X says Please leave your ego at the door so other people can wipe their feet on it before entering.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-04-2013 13:39 Comments (0)

X says Men say women should come with instructions. Hello! When was the last time you saw a guy read the instructions?

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-08-2013 13:29 Comments (0)

X is Even if women came with a set of instructions, men would toss them aside without reading them.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-18-2012 22:15 by BEGO Comments (0)

X Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-23-2013 18:05 Comments (0)

X says Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-22-2013 08:58 Comments (0)

X says I dont know who is more pathetic, the idiot who opens and runs a celebrity parody twitter account or the idiots who follows and re-tweets thinking its the real celebrity.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-31-2013 08:39 Comments (0)

X I hear Katy Perry hired Taylor Swift to write her a break-up song. Adele is producing...

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-20-2013 22:36 by eengrms Comments (0)

X says If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I dammit.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2013 13:42 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-22-2013 11:39 Comments (0)

X says great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-31-2013 14:33 by Fluff!! Comments (0)

X Boat on land. Worst escape vehicle ever.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-19-2013 20:51 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)

X is When my kids grow up, I'm going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I'm bored & then just leave!

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-17-2013 11:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)