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X When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day.
X So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? "Bob hurt one bird. He's very sorry."
X I haven't showered today and can smell yesterday on me. But I kicked ass yesterday. So I might just ride this smell out.
X There's some consolation in the fact that even though your dreams haven't come true.... neither have your nightmares.
X Dear clever comeback, can you come BEFORE the argument is over. Thanks!
X I think if my rich neighbor realized just how awesome of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation.
X The festive hustle and bustle of the holiday season sure does bring out the best in no one.
X Today, I found out that ‘Made in China' stickers are made in Korea. Mind = BLOWN!
X Filling out my doctors info sheet, listed my twitter followers as my emergency contacts.
X The road less traveled does not have 3G. I'm turning around.
X There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money.
X I'll never just put the seat down; the lid's going down with it. If I gotta work, so does she.
X "Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
X 10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
X Whoever wants to kill Casey Anthony, should probably do so in Florida.
X The two words that get me in the most trouble are "Why Not?"
X Poodles aren't as absorbent as they look.
X They say dress for the job you want not the job you have, so today I'm dressed like the Pope.
X I've had this bamboo plant on my desk for five weeks and I've yet to catch a single panda. :(
X Vodka is the drink of feelings. Whiskey is the drink of revenge against feelings. I'll take one of each, please.