friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Looks like Hugh Hefner's fiance finally got her cataracts removed and called off the wedding realizing she'd have to wake up everyday next to a dude that looks worse than the dead guy on "A Weekend at Bernie's"

   DEVELOPING NEWS: The U.S. Government is shutting down....IN OTHER MORE IMPORTANT DEVELOPING NEWS: I've already started DRINKING!!!! The Government can tax me, but they can't ruin my FRIDAY!!!

   Dear world, please don't end till after after my four day weekend is complete. Thank you.

   Heading out for a weekend camping trip. Anybody know the WiFi password for "the woods"?

   May everything you want this weekend be within the reach of the couch.

   would like to thank his liver for all the support, this weekend . . . Couldnt have done it without you, old friend !

   Hey Friday, um....you're cool and all but...I'm really into your friend Saturday. We have way more fun together. Sorry :(

   Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so close to Monday?

   Drugs and alcohol are never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"

   Hey Liver, it's Friday... Time to clock-in!

   Black Friday is when Kim Kardashian shops for a new husband.

   Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.

   Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep. Friday night here I come

   Black Friday shopping is unnecessary when you already did your shopping on looters Tuesday.

   Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?

   I'm already sorry for what I'm going to do this weekend.

   Got banned from bookstore AGAIN this weekend for moving "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign to the erotic aisle.

   Just found out a human kidney is worth up to 100,000 dollars. On an unrelated side note, party with free alcohol at my house this weekend.

   Some folks will spend the weekend having fun and enjoying themselves. We call these people "Single".

   Black Friday...the day when normal people turn into zombies armed with shopping carts.