Eddy Funny Status Messages

   i only have 1 question for Bruce Jenner. after he becomes woman, will he change his name to "Jenny Brucer" ?

   If your Tupperware has "nutrition facts" on the side of the container, you might be a redneck

   today Obama signed the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)....is it still legal to tell my gf to make me a sandwich?

   ‎"im thankful the idiot with the gun was too drunk to aim "---living turkey

   I thought of going Amish once....I didn't have the WHEEL POWER to do it

   I should just change my name to "Han" because it looks like I'm gonna stay solo *forever alone*

   im not lazy...my body is just an environmentalist that likes to conserve energy

   people get so mad at me in the self-checkout lane....i stand there checking myself out just like the name says. they say I take too long

   Why don't food companies put beets in boxes instead of cans? ...then the employees can say they're "professional beet boxers"

   if you burn the turkey, just tell the family they're eating blackbird

   If I was out there on a boat or scuba diving, It'd be "shart week" for me

   I'm sure the white house has leaks....it's an old building

   what do you call a group of short people on a merry-go-round? ...a midget spinner

   I've been social distancing from the gym for years

   when a friend messages you a GIF image for your birthday, is that a birthday GIFt ?

   I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's

   am I watching The Weather Channel or Game of Thrones? it looks like winter is coming

   someone from Egypt sent me an e-mail asking me to wire them money. I think it was a pyramid scheme

   I collect memes like kids collect Pokemon cards. any good memes you want to trade?

   forget Mardi Gras....for me every Tuesday is a fat Tuesday