Funny Status Messages Search

X I went to walmart today... I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof.... This always happens to me.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 08:58 by snotty Comments (0)

X That chili I ate last night is causing gas bubble noises to occur in areas of my body that were previously believed to be solid chocolate

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 09:07 by snotty Comments (0)

X If you don't enjoy scaring dogs by talking through a cardboard wrapping paper tube, don't bother stopping by my house on Christmas morning.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 14:51 by snotty Comments (0)

X I'm NOT political,,,,, just wondering if the 'once you go black' rule applies to presidents...

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 16:20 by snotty Comments (0)

X I always read my Krispy Kreme order from a pretend list,, so they think I'm getting donuts for the whole office.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 16:26 by snotty Comments (0)

X ACME Rockets has filed for bankruptcy after losing both N. Korea and Wile E. Coyote's accounts.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 17:51 by snotty Comments (0)

X You can't afford a bar of soap, but Beer,, Cigarettes,, & $700 worth of tattoos is not a problem?.. This is why sometimes I have a hard time feeling bad for most people

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 19:54 by snotty Comments (0)

X My wife is mad at me just because I didn't open the car door... I guess I just panicked and swam to the surface.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 19:57 by snotty Comments (0)

X I just heard that Paul McCartney is throwing a fit now that he realizes his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as his last wife....

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 21:15 by snotty Comments (0)

X I think as part of the lap band surgery process you should have to fly to Ethiopia,,, and tell 10 people what it is and why you need it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-15-2012 15:07 by snotty Comments (0)

X My doctor told me that I'm healthy enough for sex but he thinks it would ruin our relationship,, and since things are already kinda strained ......... No..

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-15-2012 15:12 by snotty Comments (0)

X This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-15-2012 15:15 by snotty Comments (0)

X The guy behind me has a theory that driving his car up my arse will make the 20 cars in front of me speed up.. Hmmm,, It's just crazy enough to work.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-15-2012 15:16 by snotty Comments (0)

X Hmmm,, So what you're saying, is that if the parrot is on his right shoulder,,, he's a butt pirate?.. Ummm, I'm only here to get my parking validated.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-15-2012 15:27 by snotty Comments (0)

X Give a man a fish,, and with MY LUCK,, he'll heat it up in our office microwave.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2012 06:55 by snotty Comments (0)

X This just isn't working out.... I think we should start being other people.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2012 06:56 by snotty Comments (0)

X I think I want to start today with a nutritious bowl of oatmeal,,, Cause it'll prepare me for all of the other disappointments the day will provide.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2012 07:04 by snotty Comments (0)

X If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, YOU'LL FIND SOME WAY TO BLAME ME FOR THAT TOO, WON'T YOU, SUSAN?

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2012 07:07 by snotty Comments (0)

X Umm,, Why does everyone in Cracker Barrel look like the cast of Mama's Family?

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2012 19:26 by snotty Comments (0)

X I know it's hard to tell,, but Chewbacca actually trims his pubes.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2012 19:36 by snotty Comments (0)