flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you're out somewhere and can't find your wife or girlfriend and you're ready to go, start talking to the hottest chick there. She'll find you immediately
←Rate | 10-14-2011 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure that just before I get to Walmart some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping
←Rate | 04-25-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are doctors so afraid of apples anyway?
←Rate | 04-21-2012 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it's important that you lower your expectations.
←Rate | 12-03-2014 05:04 by flinnie Comments (2)  


   messageicon It's hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
←Rate | 12-09-2013 07:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Bermuda Triangle has been quiet lately. Too quiet.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 10:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that's how I feel today.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 08:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you live in a custom-built house that doesn't have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
←Rate | 11-05-2013 20:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we're terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
←Rate | 10-10-2014 05:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just woke my kids up and told them, “It's Father's Day! Where's my present?” They just started crying.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 05:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no problem so big that it can't be solved with a little self-delusion.
←Rate | 07-24-2012 05:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I'd like to read that someone died after a long battle with goblins or trolls.
←Rate | 01-06-2012 05:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "At least you're not the lady who got her face eaten by the monkey." - My response to anyone who ever complains about anything
←Rate | 04-12-2012 08:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 09:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our new dog is going to be the *best* watchdog if a vacuum cleaner ever breaks into the house.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 05:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe if the Libyans spent less time firing into the air, the civil war could have ended 4 months ago.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 19:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Paranormal Activity 3, The Ring, and Poltergeist taught me anything, it's that little girls are absolutely terrifying.
←Rate | 10-21-2011 06:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon with all due respect, officer, you were also going that fast.
←Rate | 10-11-2013 05:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the past 20 years I've been trying to figure out how to "Stop" Collaborate" and "Listen"
←Rate | 04-13-2011 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear radio stations, instead of 40 minutes of commercial free music, how about 5 minutes of good music?
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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